The Emperor's Licenses

I would like to share mail I accidentally received from the National Lawyers Alliance. It is an interesting read:

Dear Confreres,
It has come to our knowledge that are profitable industry is coming under siege. The proliferation of the internet and increased educational level of our customers both threaten to undermine our fees due an improved understanding of contracts. Of course, this is something we must fight. As member service, we therefore provide you with a number of tips to decrease the readability and understandability of any legal documents.

Use Uppercase Paragraphs abundantly It is highly recommended to write about 50% of the contract in upper case characters. Upper case text has the following advantages:
1. Research shows that uppercase paragraphs are significantly harder to read than lowercase paragraphs.
2. Email conventions that are now widespread use uppercase text to indicate SHOUTING. This shouting adds a nice touch to a contract by intimidating the reader. It makes clear who is in charge.
3. The use of upper case paragraphs is such nonsense that no other industry uses this style. This makes contracts stand out from other documents. Maybe we should consider trademarking this style?
Use Confusing English It always makes sense to redefine (or an attempt to redefine) normal English words. For example, the following sentence is self referential and confuses logically skilled readers:
- READ THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT AND ANY PROVIDED SUPPLEMENTAL LICENSE TERMS (COLLECTIVELY "AGREEMENT")
- ... Foregoing limitations will apply even if the above stated warranty fails of its essential purpose.
- Termination. This Agreement is effective until terminated.
- Capitalized terms not defined in these Supplemental Terms shall have the same meanings ascribed to them in the Agreement.
- These Supplemental Terms shall supersede any inconsistent or conflicting terms in the Agreement, or in any license contained within the Software.
Make the Acceptance Process unclear It is paramount that the reader gets the feeling there is no way to decline the license. This must of course be done subtly. Some tips to confuse the reader:
1. Mention "Accept" and "Decline" buttons, even if the license is distributed as a text file.
2. Indicating that reading the agreement makes you accept it
3. For d downloads:
  ### State that opening the package means acceptance
  ### The user must return the material to the store or destroy it if they do not accept the materials.
Ensure the use is always in violation We can be of great use to our customers by ensuring that the other party has no other way to use the materials except in a way that violates the agreement, without noticing this.
1. Allow only one copy for archival purpose. Computer and networks make many cache copies for technical reasons, there is thus no way the end user can fulfill this requirement.
2. Make it unclear what you grant in the license, use long sentences, and adjectives that are without meaning. A good example is the following paragraph, it is totally unclear what you can do with what:
  Example: 1 LICENSE TO USE. Sun grants you a non-exclusive and non-transferable license for the internal use only of the accompanying software and documentation and any error corrections provided by Sun (collectively "Software"), by the number of users and the class of computer hardware for which the corresponding fee has been paid.
  ## make the software "CONFIDENTIAL", even though it is downloadable from the Internet. This way you can sue if the user looks at the software or discusses a problem with his colleagues.
3. Forbid use of the software in such a way that modern development technologies can not really use it. Restrictions can be added for decompiling, modifications, and reverse engineering. Pleasantly ill-defined concepts that are used by most modern development tools to assist the user.
Let the user give up any rights We all know that software is riddled with bugs. We have successfully lobbied congress to not make the software industry liable for their own products (If we could only have been so successful for Ford ...), we like to keep it that way. Contracts must therefore make clear users do not get anything of value, they must promise not to sue our clients, and if they do, do it with a judge we have in our pockets:

DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY. UNLESS SPECIFIED IN THIS AGREEMENT,
ALL EXPRESS OR IMPLIED CONDITIONS, REPRESENTATIONS AND WARRANTIES,
INCLUDING ANY IMPLIED WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE OR NON-INFRINGEMENT ARE DISCLAIMED, EXCEPT TO THE
EXTENT THAT THESE DISCLAIMERS ARE HELD TO BE LEGALLY INVALID.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------ 
  (c) Copyright 2005, All Rights Reserved National Lawyers Alliance 
  ------------------------------------------------------------------ 
  NOTE: THIS MESSAGE IS CONFIDENTIAL AND INTENDED FOR THE NAMED
  ADDRESSEE(S) ONLY. IF YOU ARE NOT THE INTENDED RECIPIENT, YOU MUST 
  IMMEDIATELY CONTACT THE SENDER BY E-MAIL RETURN AND THEN DELETE THIS 
  MESSAGE AND ALL ITS COPIES FROM YOUR SYSTEM. YOU MUST NOT COPY OR READ
  OR ARCHIVE OR USE IT OR DISCLOSE ITS CONTENTS TO ANY OTHER PERSON. IF 
  YOU DO NOT ABIDE BY THIS CONDITION THEN WE WILL SUE YOU. THE NATIONAL 
  LAWYERS ALLIANCE CANNOT ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACCURACY OR 
  READABILITY OR USEFULNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE OF THIS MESSAGE. BY HAVING 
  READ THIS TEXT YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THIS LICENSE. 

  posted by Peter @ Friday, November 25, 2005